I kept my book open for the whole day, but none could make my writings out.
I'm aware of the cheapness that stinks within but when I see the cheapness and imperfection around I am forced to look in. I always yearned for a crackless bowl but world just lacks it.
Nature has always been consoling me with its infinite beauty.
Trying to stay in the receiving end of love, I was always disappointed. For I was loved by almost all - including my inferior opponents. And I could see the silliness of their love. The futility of their souls.
I was in quest of the superman. But there is none, none worth my envy, I know. I myself am the nearest to perfection model I have ever found and it's the greatest pain. One step closer – and you can't reach.
Still I needed people – cheap imperfect ones. Because I belong, sincerely I do belong. And I have loved you all with sincerity and depth.
I hate silence – for it's so perfect and it reminds me of my cheapness.
I love music for it flows over my wounds and makes me sleep.
And – I have begun to melt.
You won't find my presence in your home anymore.My home is above the clouds, and there is no point in trying to find me.
Weep, inferior folks… You have begun to stink – and there is no rescue.
To my best friend who tries to destroy his life for someone who doesn’t exist.
“He thought that he kept the universe alone,
For all the answer he could wake
Was but the mocking sound of his own
From some tree hidden cliff across the lake
Some morning from the boulder broken beach
He would cry out on life that what it wants
Is not its own love back in copy speech
But counter love, original response”
- Robert Frost
“Love is an attempt to hide the spiritual solitude”
- Fyodor Mikhaylevich Dostoevsky
“If everything in this world is imperfect, love is perfect in its imperfection”
A dialogue from Ingmar Bergman’s “The Seventh Seal”
"Love doesn't exist; but its proofs exist"
This is going to be an absurd one. But I am confident that it can not be the other way round if anyone else writes it.
And if I put a perfect disclaimer, it will run over volumes. So I skip that one.
I just want to write on the logical side of the most illogical, powerful and absurd emotion of humanity. The emotion that makes us human, one that caused thousands of wars, and one that ruined lives of crores. I will try to make this as short as possible.
What is love? (Oh! That’s a ridiculous question. )
Psychologists say that the word contains three different elements - sexual lust, attachment and attraction.
Sexual lust of man is not at all different from the lust of other animals. Although it has got a lot of socio psychological elements, basically its hormones that do the job. And sex has nothing to do with intimacy and affection. Sexual lust can be quenched even with partners whom you never knew before, even with ones for whom you have no attachment whatsoever. It’s a scientific reality. And as I have stated in earlier post, it has nothing to do with divinity. And scientifically homosexuality is also as normal as straight sexual orientation. It’s common in case of apes with similar sexual features as that of human. As per Sigmund Freud’s earlier theory, lesbianism was counted to be unnatural but later discoveries state that sexual satisfaction is catalyzed outside vagina and hence nothing is unnatural about lesbianism. Homosexuality will definitely be accepted in civilized societies in future.
Second is attachment. This is what I absurdly stated as ‘conditioned intimacy’ and ‘common childhood’s nostalgia’ in one of my earlier posts. Attachment always has the ‘time factor’ attached to it. It has some chemical and biological reasons. As I am not an expert in this and as details will make this post drier, I am skipping it. If any of you find this interesting, I can recommend some books though. The most noteworthy point is that attachment towards human beings is not at all superior to the attachment towards your old Fiat car or towards the watch that you have been using for thirty years. Yes. It doesn’t need a responding human ‘On the other side of the bridge’. A perfect example of this is the intimacy shown by Tom Hank’s character towards a base ball in ‘Cast Away’. One of the most emotional scenes in the movie is his attempt to ‘save’ the ball from waves. He puts his life into danger for rescuing the base ball! (Yeah... that ball had a name - Wilson I think.) It’s not an isolated man’s psychological collapse. Its real love, if you really believe in that term.
Third, attraction. This is having more psychological elements. Love at first sight. There may be certain common features that determine this attraction like beauty, intelligence, charisma etc. there are people who falls in love with film stars and cricketers and some of them even begin to chase them madly. This is also as logical as ‘real’ love! And you can love even a photo or even a painting!
Of course the strongest element of long-lasting real relationships is attachment. Generally love begins with attraction, burns with lust and stands in long run with attachment. If you logically interpret these, they all are equally insane. (Insane - Am I sane enough to state that?)
The fact is that none of these three elements need a real person.
All intelligent people have tried over ages to add more value to life escaping the original questions. Yes, they deserve appreciation for making this world more beautiful. They glorified concepts of unselfish love and fear for god and made social taboos over them just to make the travelers in the sinking ship happy.
And literature - White Nights, Poor Folk, Spring Torrents, Asya, First Love, Jameela, Love in the Time of Cholera… there are thousands of books that touch some where deep in - books that burn you out. (I will highlight ‘Love in the Time of Cholera’. Please read this wonderful book. It’s not a book that speaks about illogical mills and boon love. It’s observing love as a run off from solitude. It shows you the dark sides of the moon) But I repeat – stay rooted while allowing your leaves to fly in breeze. When you face real questions, learn to prioritize.
And about the beautiful poem we began with. There can’t be original responses. Because human beings speak different ‘languages’. But, we need voices to escape silence. Play smart and safe.
Based on a short novel by Chingis Aitmatov,(and I have read that one) this one is a movie showing the rotten Russian communism after Joseph Stalin. The movie tells the touching story of a horse named Gulsary and his master. Disturbing. As it is against communism, some leftist guys made a real fuss in theatres. But, don't bother about that - the movie is beautiful, thought provoking and the BGM is just excellent. Don't be stunned if you hear this BGM in next Mohanlal film!! :) Rated *****.
The Blackboard (Iran - Italy- Japan/2000)
Although its a critically acclaimed one, I just got bored with it. Its about homeless nomads wandering around loosing all hope in life. I can give only a ** rating for this one. Sorry, Samira fans!!
Tailpiece: As I was trying to enter the movie hall, the asianet plus reporter caught me and asked about the fuss in theatre. I blabbered something and told them that i don't see movies prejudicially. Before asking another troubling question, I smiled and walked. ( and said in mind "ESCAPE!!")
I don’t know what will be the response of an unbiased cosmopolitan viewer about this film. Yes – I’m a biased viewer, must agree. Because, Nanthanaar has always been a sort of obsession or pain for me. Through his short stories he influenced me greatly in my school days. As this movie is the life story of Nanthanaar, it did influence me. And, I could find myself in Gopi and Bhaskarakurup. After the movie, I had a cry struck in my throat. A vivid portrayal of a rotten age in Kerala history. Well done, MG Sasi!! Rated *****.
THE SONG OF SPARROWS (IRAN/2008)
It tells the story of Karim, a man who works in a place that Ostriches are kept. One day, one of the Ostriches escapes because of Karim's mistake, and consequently, they fire Karim. He finds a new job in Tehran, but he faces new problems in his personal life... Majeed Majidi strikes again. A movie which conveys a very vital message in a simple way. It reminds us that everything in life is a lie or rather a dream. Don’t lose yourself in quest of material things. Life’s law is simple – simplicity and ofcourse, love. Rated *****.
And unfortunately today I saw some rubbish short movies also – BULLSHIT!!
A woman, her body, and the destructive voice that controls her. The story is about individual power in the wrong hands. Ina needs to get her power back from Joy who has taken it. This intense and raw confrontation is shot in 35mm, entirely in black and white, with both players naked. The nudity is non-erotic and allows the audience to experience the characters' extreme circumstances of primitive vulnerability and privacy. Must kill the director. Both gals are 100% nude all the time. Does that make the movie enjoyable?? THE MIRAGE Yet another handicapped story of old age agonies… NARMEEN Oh!! Another shit on India partition and communal violence… ROADMAKERS What is this? I just want to cry.
Tailpiece: Metro Manorama had my clear color picture in it today. Another person sitting near me was marked in the pic and she got 1000 bucks!! Why not me?? [:(]